Would You Like a Slap With That Burger?

This was written during my employment as a cocktail waitress during the summer of 2002. It is a brief thought on why children act the way they do in front of their parents and complete strangers. Speaks briefly of my conservative values.

Would You Like a Slap With That Burger?

An account of one of many memorable waitressing experiences and what’s wrong with kids today.

By: Noelle Franzen

“Hey, where’s my burger?!” Ahhh, the wonderful sounds that come from the mouths of children. This surprising yet shocking statement did indeed come from a child. A child, from the looks of him, who really didn’t need that burger his parents had ordered for him. But alas, they are on vacation…so why not order the chubby kid a burger or two.

I spend my summers working as a poolside waitress at an upscale resort in Southern California, and these little “incidents” as I like to call them often spur a chain of reasoning in my own mind about the world today. Not just about kids, but their parents and the behaviors allowed and ignored by those parents. Suffice to say, the majority of these families are in the upper-class bracket of society. This does not justify, by any means, the behavior noticed by my co-workers and me. There are just as many middle-class kids who are as rude, but what struck me about this particularly jovial child was that as he so adamantly demanded his food, his parents sat right beside him and didn’t even flinch at his use of, shall we say, “smart ass” tone with me. ‘Hey Lisa, see that kid over there?’ ‘The fat one?’ ‘Yeah, the fat one, he’s a little jerk.’ ‘They’re all f***in’ jerks, Noelle.’ ‘Thanks Lis.’

Now let me offer that I am not yet myself a parent, however, if I had ever used that tone with any adult, let alone a complete stranger who was doing me a service, I would have been reprimanded appropriately (spanking). Who was this kid? Who was he to think he could speak to another human being like that…someone twice his age, who was bringing him food for the simple purpose of earning a tip from his “permissive” parents. ‘Mom, can I have a coke?’ ‘No. Water or milk.’ ‘But mom….’ ‘Don’t use that tone with me young lady!’

I kindly explained to the child that I was a waitress and not a cook, and that the cooks make the food in a certain order and when it was done I would bring it to him. He did not respond. I thought to myself an array of tones and explicatives I would have enjoyed using to combat the child’s rudeness, however, I like to think I am a kind and patient person who knows better than to lower myself to a 12-year olds realm of idiocy and irrationalism.

‘Hey kid, how many calories do you consume in a day?’ ‘What the hell is a calorie?’ ‘That’s what I thought you little porker.’

This child is obviously not told “no” a lot in his home, I’m sure. And why not? Well, lets evaluate the situation. Judging from the absurd amount of money these people were spending at the hotel, and the pool alone, this child and his siblings, God forbid there are more of them, are probably spoiled rotten. His mother probably works outside the home and is not there to “mother” him during the day or after school. His father has probably been swept up, as many men today have, in this “feminist empathizer” way of life: afraid to act like a man who is responsible for his family, the actions and appearance of his children and reluctant to put his foot down and appropriately punish his children for doing wrong. Hence, the blatantly rude and shocking words that so effortlessly tumbled from his child’s mouth.

‘Hey dad, bring me a damn beer!’ ‘But son, you’re only 11!’ ‘I said now!’ ‘Yes son.’

Kids get what they want and that is a sad fact of today’s world. Their parents don’t like to say no for fear of “hurting the child’s feelings” or something stupid like that. WHAT? Yes, that’s what I said…their feelings. Let me clarify: I do believe children have feelings—of course they do, but a parent needs to be rational when deciding what is or is not good for a child. And that includes limits, and ultimately, saying no to unnecessary wants.

For example: the toy aisle in the supermarket. Why is that there? What moron decided to put toys in the supermarket? I know, I know, its marketing and profits blah, blah, blah. Growing up, the supermarket was NOT a fun place. We knew what came out of that store: food. And maybe something to drink. Things we needed to sustain life on this planet and in our house. We had this ridiculous thing called a budget, God forbid, that allowed my mother to purchase enough food to make it through the week (hopefully) on the amount of money my father supplied to her from working hard to keep a roof over our heads. If we ever asked for a toy while in the supermarket we would get what we fully expected: a glare from my mother and a firm “no”. Looking back, I’m glad she said no, over and over and over again. I understand needs and wants, the difference between excess and necessity and I’m not afraid to assert my opinion on the matter, nor will I be when I have children of my own.

It’s funny what a kid who has probably consumed one too many hamburgers in his short pudgy life can make you think.